Kosuke Okahara

Akane, 26 years old, has been suffering depression and self-injury for over 4 years.
Kaori, 23 years old, relaxes in her room. She rolls bandage to stop bleeding after she cut her arm.
Kaori , 22 years old, is suffering from depression and self-injury. She can not stop cutting when she is depressed.
Kaori takes medicines. She has to take 18 pills at once for her mental illness.
Emergency medical technicians take care of Kaori. She overdosed 270 pills to get rid of her anxiety.
Hiromi stores medicines for whe she overdose to get rid of her anxiety. She has been carried by ambulance many times because of overdose.
Hiromi shows her arm with full fo scars. She started cutting herself when she was 19 years old.
Aina, 16 years old, has been suffering from depression and self-injury for 4 years.
Aina, 16 years old, goes to hospital by her mother's car. Since she cannot go to school for her mental illness, she is with her mother most of the day.
Aina, 16 years old, comes to hospital with her mother to see the psychiatrist. She cannot go to school since she feels bad when she goes to school.
Aina, 16 years old, has been suffering from depression and self-injury for 4  year. She likes to sing a song at night.
Akane, 26 years old. She has been suffering depression and self-injury for over 4 years. She has to come to see the psychiatrist once a week.
Akane, 26 years old, e-mails with her friends by the cell phone before she sleeps.
The website that Akane created some years ago with full of painful words written in Japanese. "I want to die, survive, have no deram, don't know what to do, have to study, my hands are shaking, cannot rely on others, but want to depend on someone..." etc..
Miri, 26 years old, goes to school in the morning. She quit her graduate study because of mental illness and now is studying to be a nurse.
Sayuri, 22 years old, who has been suffering from self-injury, driving a car at night.
Sayuri, 22 years old, who has been suffering from self-injury, looking up the sky during the night.
Sayuri, 22 years old, is suffering self-injury, lying on the bed in her room. Sayuri had experiences of sexual abuses in her childhood and that triggered self-injury.
Sayuri, 22 years old, has been suffering from self-injury for 6 years. She eats only yogurt in the morning since she has an eating disorder
After cutting herself. Sayuri, 22 years old, has been suffering from self-injury for 6 years.Sayuri had experiences of sexual abuses in her childhood and that triggered self-injury.
The tissues that Akane wiped her blood after cutting herself.
Kaori came to see the psyhiatrist. Sometimes it is difficult to come to the hospital since she has panic attack disorder.

 

Ibasyo

– Self-injury among young Japanese girls –

夜12時を少し過ぎた頃、いつものように携帯電話が鳴った。

「また切っちゃった…。でも大丈夫だよ…」

大丈夫に聞こえないさゆりの声が電話口から聞こえてきた。

「あたしなぁ、レイプされたんよ…。それから自分の価値とか感じられないようになってなぁ…。自分のこと大切にしなさいって色んな人に何度も言われたけど、こんな汚い自分のこと大切にって言われても、どうしたらいいのか分からん のよ」

生気の抜けた声が泣き声に変わる。少したってまた

「ごめんな、大丈夫だよ…。明日も仕事がんばるよ…」

貧困、レイプ、いじめ、家庭内暴力。自傷行為の裏にあるもの。それらは今まで聞いたことはあっても、実際に近くに 感じたことのないものだった。 日本に存在する「恥の文化」が良い意味でも悪い意味でも、それらが表に出ることを防いできた。東京から1時間 のところに貧困は存在し、借金取りが毎日やってくる生活があった。レイプは僕が卒業した大学内でも起きていた。

深い心の傷は彼女らの自尊心を奪ってしまった。うつやパニック障害のためまともに働くことができない状態に、

自らの価値を認識できず、自分は役に立たない存在と思いこんでしまう。その結果の自傷行為。 「価値がない(と思い込んでいる)自分」を傷つけることで、自らの存在を肯定しようとする。しかし、その傷を見ては「してはいけないことをしてしまった」と自己嫌悪に陥る悪循環。そんな彼女たちの生活は苦痛に満ちている。

彼女らは自らの行為を正当化しようとは思っていない。ただ彼女たちの存在は、日本が抱えている現代社会の陰の一 端を示している。

「自分のことを大切にするってどういうことなのかな…。誰か教えてくれないかな…」

そう言ってさゆりは電話を切った。